Choose to Eliminate !

A few days back, I was helping my seven year old daughter , studying in second standard, with her preparation for Olympiad Exams- there were more of multiple choice questions , and what I noticed was , in cases where she wasn't sure of the answer, she quickly mastered the method of first eliminating the 2 or 3 wrong options and then focusing on the remaining probables to arrive at the best answer ! And when my curiosity took over, she gladly calmed me by letting me know she had picked this up from the ever so popular TV show, "Kaun Banega Crorepati" (adapted from 'Who wants to be a Millionaire'), hosted by none other than Big B , - where Mr. Bachchan has indeed been gracious enough to let participants strike off the wrong options before locking in the correct answer, in some cases .. Amusing , isn't it !

It kind of pushed me down the memory lane of my own student days and I recalled that techniques as these were learnt by us when we were close to appearing in professional competitive exams and were as grown up as having cleared our 12th standard ! And there again, I remember Multiple choice questions could make or break your test scores if you didn’t know how to approach them.

The adoption of such methodologies for exams and of such tricks at such a young age as that of my daughter may not be the best thing to happen , and this I shall leave for the time being, to be discussed for later.. 

However, interestingly what I want to take up right now is the fact that things do get simplified and decision making becomes easier with - "smart elimination before selection " as one of the initial steps !!  

Again going back to the lot of competitive exams - citing the case of paucity in the number of seats available in Medical and Engineering Colleges in our country, for example, "elimination again remains the guiding criteria for declaring final results"- it doesn't matter whether one scored 90% or 80% or 70 %, if there are say 300 seats, then the top 300 scorers get through - and therefore what really matters is how well you faired the elimination criteria , simple !! 

All these examples have used "rejection" based on certain "constraints" as a successful method of narrowing down on options and making quick decisions ! So how does that work for us in all areas of our life ?

As a Success Coach and as an Optimist, I have always stood for the power of making choices and the existence of endless possibilities in one's life !! 

Come to think of it, we end up making choices both big and small throughout every single day of our life. What do we want to have for breakfast? What time should we meet a friend for dinner? What college should one go to? How many children do you want to have?

When faced with some decisions, we might be tempted to just flip a coin and let chance take over, however in most cases, we follow a certain strategy in order to arrive at a decision.

For some of the complex and important ones, we are more likely to invest a lot of time, research, effort, and mental energy into coming to the right conclusion. At initial stages of decision making then , when one is confronted with too wide a choice and uncertainty beyond someone's grasp - be it career, marriage, business or any other context- it is indeed a great way to refer to the elimination method - first establish the criteria of what's really important to us - and when an item fails to meet the criteria - cross the item off our list of options. Our list of possible choices gets smaller until we eventually circle down to a few options .., - tremendous energy saved and good riddance from ambiguity ..! Talking of Coaching , I have seen this type of sequential elimination proving useful to some of my clients especially those in the process of making career decisions. 

Needless to say, what plays a crucial role is to be clear enough of our own values and what really matters to us when establishing the yardstick of elimination , and at what stage ! The temptation to surrender to negative beliefs or remaining stuck in our comfort zone can sometimes take a toll, and therefore one needs to understand the big picture with an open mind !

Another interesting implication of this could very well be put to use by businesses, marketers and salespersons - who need to be extremely close to the decisionmaking biases of their potential customers.By knowing in advance what elimination criteria is being widely used to filter the umpteen choices available to a consumer, before finally zeroing in on a certain set of options - they could benefit immensely in redefining their product / service / marketing campaigns !

Great artists do this too, and the quote by Pablo Picasso talks of his personal philosophy , “Art is the elimination of the unnecessary.”

I had read somewhere that when it came to his design philosophy , Steve Jobs too, was always obsessed with eliminating the unnecessary — eliminating buttons, confusing additions in user-interface, and removing complexity.

The Zen and Taoist masters have also been attributed with sayings such as — to become a master is to eliminate one superfluous thing everyday, rather than adding one thing a day.

I would love to hear from my readers, where all do you see such elimination at play while making decisions in your own life and how does it serve a purpose !

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Thankyou for reading my post and I look forward to your comments !

Feel free to download an ebook that I have written to help you see the endless possibilities that Life has to offer , The Ultimate Guide to Living a life of Endless Possibilities

http://coachgrab.com/our-products/self-learning-module/The-Ultimate-Guide-to-Living-a-life-of-Endless-Possibilities

About the Author :

Namita is an Internationally Certified Success Coach, Career Stategist and Life Coach with ICF credentials .(International Coach Federation). She is also a Corporate Trainer, Writer and Speaker on a mission to help everyone unlock their infinite potential and build an extraordinary purposeful life.Her detailed professional profile can be viewed at https://in.linkedin.com/in/namita-sinha-success-coach-a0526749 Coaching and Training requests can also be routed through http://coachgrab.com/namita-sinha; https://twelveweek.com/namita ; http://www.happcoach.com/coaches/mentors/namita-sinha ; https://www.facebook.com/rainbowhues2211; https://www.tlrnow.com/mrs-namita-sinha ;

How to Avoid getting into an Argument!

How to Avoid getting into an Argument!

Whether it be confrontations between work colleagues, spouses, parents and children, or friends; we have all witnessed those uncomfortable moments when a seemingly well meant conversation unknowingly sparks into an argument …, and we all wish we could somehow know our  way around how to never let such communication breakdowns occur.

There is good news, knowing few basic skills of expressing ourselves, can indeed lead to safer, closer bonds and avoid conflicting behaviors.

Let us first get  apprised  with three fundamental ideas around our basic tendencies and needs during communication and this shall help us understand better ,why sometimes  some dialogues can break down and turn into arguments.

In any conversation,

*We usually talk because we think whatever we have to say is important enough to be conveyed.

*It is impossible to not communicate. Communication is the most fundamental behaviour for social existence and human relationship. Hence we all communicate, all the time.., though some forms of communication are more harmonious, easily understood and successful than others.

*Through communication, people try to fulfil an inherent emotional need of being understood by others, and this need of being understood is more valued by every person when compared to the need of being agreed with. If we feel misunderstood we will likely continue the conversation in an attempt to clarify our intent…

Concentration camp survivor Victor Frankl had said,

“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”

Let’s have a look at few ways of how we can build on this power of choosing our response well while communicating , and do keep in  mind the above three underlying principles of communication that often hold the clue to why sometimes there is a conflict like situation !

How to avoid arguments and communicate without being defensive or offensive:

1)Feel secure in who you Are - Being secure in yourself is one of the greatest gifts you can give to yourself because you won't need to be validated by anyone else besides yourself. You're less likely to get defensive or hurt over something critical about yourself, when you know for sure that it's not true.You shall then have the ability to talk calmly without feeling like you have to defend yourself every minute.

2) Listen instead of retaliating: Genuinely listen to all of the points being talked of and see where they are coming from. 

Watch out for any tendency towards strategizing or thinking about your next attack to defend yourself or offend the other person, because the less you try to protect your identity, the better you may feel.

3) Think Long-Term Instead Of Short-Term : Strategize your thinking so you can see the big picture and focus on long-term goals instead of trying to win the battle. Being impulsive with your emotions means you're only thinking about how you feel at the moment. Before arriving at any quick judgments, take a pause or a deep breath and try to pay close attention to the end-result of your actions.  

4) Learn How To Receive Criticism: Without taking things too personally or getting hurt with negative thoughts, it’s important to listen and also remember the benefits of getting genuine feedback . You can always turn it around into a positive experience by picking up the learning and letting the negative feeling go.

5) Its okay to be wrong: There are those instances when you may realize that the other person just might be correct about what they are saying. Give yourself permission to be wrong, and also give that permission to others. Hopefully you will not feel the need to defend yourself over and over again, or hurl unfair accusations at others.

6) Don’t assume  : Don’t assume that what you know is obvious to others. It wasn’t always obvious to you. Give everyone the benefit of doubt.  

"As  much  effort  as  we  put  in  wanting  others to understand us, so  much if not more should go in us trying to  understand others , too !" 

7.) Focus on indicators at the level of your own “feelings and emotions”. Try to understand the repeat patterns of your feelings to figure out when and why you behave argumentative.

Try to uncover the particular unfulfilled need at emotional level that you try to deal with by getting into an argument, and this awareness shall help you contemplate better, how you want your emotions to come across.

A regular reference to all these points and a conscious incorporating of these into regular communication can help you keep a watch before any conversation starts taking a turn towards the conflict mode. Remember, effective communication with others depends on successful communication within you… In your desire to be transparent to others, you must first be clear within yourself.

Thankyou for reading my post and I look forward to your comments !

Feel free to download an ebook that I have written to help you see the endless possibilities that Life has to offer , The Ultimate Guide to Living a life of Endless Possibilities

http://coachgrab.com/our-products/self-learning-module/The-Ultimate-Guide-to-Living-a-life-of-Endless-Possibilities

About the Author :

Namita is an Internationally Certified Success Coach, Career Stategist and Life Coach with ICF credentials .(International Coach Federation). She is also a Corporate Trainer, Writer and Speaker on a mission to help everyone unlock their infinite potential and build an extraordinary purposeful life.Her detailed professional profile can be viewed at https://in.linkedin.com/in/namita-sinha-success-coach-a0526749