Ishita Katyal, a
10-year-old from Pune, has become the youngest Indian to speak at the TED Youth
Conference in New York, the Brainiacs meet “, and from what she said there and
of what I read of it in the Times of India, …turned out to be something of a
final nail in the coffin -in establishing my own doing in a crime of sorts. Till
then I was still an under trial, and being my own Judge, kept feigning blissful
ignorance around facts of the case. However
after listening to her, and with deeper contemplation, I have decided to better
own up. Yes, I am guilty of this one, at
least at some point in my journey as an adult and as a parent, definitely I have
been…!
And then I came across
another great quote from John Lennon ,
These lines from , the
renowned musician, poet and political activist again reminded me of the offence;
and my growing concern around how many perpetrators may still be thriving
unaware and scot-free and that their conscience needs to be shaken a bit, prods
me to write this one!
And so quoting from
what the 10 year old said at the Brainiacs meet which has left quite an impact
on both the brainy and the not-so brainiacs- ,"Instead of asking
children what they want to do when they grow up, you should ask them what they
want to be right now.. We can do a lot in this moment, in the present. The
problem is our world has many forces working against the dreams of children.. “
Adults, she said, chronically underestimate kids, and in the process they pass
on fear to children who are born without fear…
Ishita’s message was
simple: Put children first; give kids a chance!
And the details of the crime,
I were guilty of and not anymore, is no more than asking our children time and
again, the so heavily loaded sinful question,
“What
do They Want to Become When They Grow Up”?
And if you again read
every line and every word of the excerpts of what she said above ;it not only
sums up all the research and trillion dollar worth findings and work being
undertaken across the globe - be it in psychology , neuroscience, behavioural
techniques, life coaching, spiritual and mindfulness schools…or any other discipline ; but perhaps it even goes beyond
and ahead of what they still have to conclude – that ‘put
children first, and first in their present moment-; not so much in their future
designed from your Adult imagination’
- and you automatically have a better world – better adult, better leader ,
better millennials , better relationships- better and best of whatever maybe on
your radar right now and forever !
As much as we strive to
make great leaders and happy adults out of our kids, and talk so much about
passion and following our dreams, and letting children choose the career of
their choice, do we realise that this question in itself is such a killer virus
that it curbs the very spirit of free imagination.
“When a child starts to
learn how to walk and falls down 50 times, he never thinks to himself, “maybe
this isn’t for me”. He has no fear, no inner
boundaries, he is willing to test waters with every risk and pleasure, every
win and loss; and explore the unimagined ! However, the moment he is well into
walking and talking, we jump in with our curiosity to ask him , “So kid, what
do you want to become when you grow up “?
If you stop and think
about it, it's pretty amazing how early we start talking with children about
their future career choices, very often, as soon as they are just 3 or 4 or
latest 5 !
And that is the crux of
my concern …why tie the loose ends of their free self into tight knots so
early…!
Some more enlightened
ones think that by asking them and not actually giving them a final verdict of
our own, we are giving them an early opportunity to plan a future of their
choice.., well good intent at that , but no brownie points here as well –
because for all your pretended generosity , you are very cold bloodedly forcing
a child to take away all the glory from his own present intelligent capable
being – and instead put his intention on a remote future – and that too by
picking up his favourites from a motley bunch of few celebrated ones! And
hence, this question inevitably creates a tunnel vision. It can even go as far as affecting one’s
ability to see themselves any different ever.
It’s like asking a kid’s
internal time machine to stop the clock then and there, and fast forward all
imagination, all creativity to a future
world and predict it based on handful of outdated inputs.
And his present unique self, starts dying a slow death – which otherwise
if left to blossom in the moment unhindered, had the infinite potential of
carving out a unique present and a unique future - one of his own true identity!
The underlying
assumption in stuffing these inputs in their minds is perhaps the fact that we
adults think, children are not as intelligent and its best to show them ready-made
models to imitate.
Well for all the
intellect coming from great Leadership
and Spiritual thinkers ; who nowadays bask in the glory of highlighting superior
qualities of kids and preaching all and
sundry to- “Be like a kid” - because enough research has established that
kids have in them worthy attributes , and are far ahead , be it in their quick learnability, their adaptability , their selflessness, their resilience, truthfulness , trust– all of
which we would so much like to be the traits of a modern leader ; – I would then
like all of us to give it a thought to
what aare we actually doing here – we are
first killing the spirit of the kid and then asking an overgrown over
conditioned adult, to take up the near impossible task of again becoming one - wow,
that’s some great stuff , isn’t it!
So kids are more
intelligent, period, and the likes of Ishita Katyal, and many more, are already
showing us the way the world over…Now to avoid the risk of some adult corrupt
minds here, misinterpreting my message and already planning to curb their
childhood further, by tapping their intelligence and directing it for being
utilised in high yielding boardrooms or parliaments or perhaps advisory boards
of corporates, - I say hold on, I have no appetite for being held guilty anymore!
I am only exploring the possibility of us consciously framing our questions and
dialogues with kids in a way that we don’t in any way kill the spirit of dreams
and passions and individual identity!
And before telling adults
to “value living in the present moment and become mindful”, let us first let the
innocent kids live their present fully into it, laughing and kicking, and
imagining and dreaming….to their heart’s content!
Let's stop being guilty;
let’s try to be the change we want to see in the world and let’s start by
banning the age-old question, "What do you want to be when you grow
up?"
Come on, I am sure we
are capable of better conversation, and though it sounds like an innocent
question, and I know that people who say it don’t mean any harm (case in point:
me), nevertheless, I dream of it being retired from our socio-cultural lexicon.
Apart from what has already
been written, another disaster caused by this question is the fact that the
expected answer to it is always a type of job, it reinforces the idea that the
way to find identity and value is through career. Our society is already
saturated with messages that the title on your business card is directly
connected to your worth as a human being. This question again trains one and
all to view adult life through the lens of their place in the workforce. And
being constantly encouraged to ponder their future career - it channels kids’
discernment efforts away from whether they wish to lead a happy life first, and
my take further is that people in this
society—children especially—need all the reminders they can get that they are
not defined by their careers.
But there has to be a
way out…we can’t curb our curiosities altogether, can we? So I look forward to
views on this… Rather than asking, “What
do you want to be when you grow up?” perhaps we should ask, “What are you
passionate about, what do you love to do..”.
The beauty of building
children into great beings , after all,
is that it’s the little things we do every day that mould them into the
people they’ll become - unshakeable faith that they have in their care-givers !
